UPS & DOWNS October 2000
WAYFARERS' NEWS

Welcome to new residents Roxanne, Dona, Tashito, Nancy, April and Barbara.
Farewell and good wishes to Jennifer, Laurie, Chris, Susan, Laura and Neressa, who moved out of the House recently, and to Bernetta and Sheila, who moved to the George Porter House. Happy October Birthdays to Ethel and Dawn. Congratulations to Dawn, who was awarded her certificate of attendance for eight sessions of the Communicating/Parenting group.

Lynn Rodden has begun preparing herb mixtures to sell during the pre-holiday season. The sale of these packets benefits Meeting Ground, and there is good companionship in helping with the packaging. Want to lend a hand?

A Craft Group will soon begin at the House to make Christmas items. May Yokoyama will be the leader, so watch for a starting date if you are interested in creating hand-made Christmas gifts.

A Self-Esteem Group has begun meeting with Raven at the House on Tuesdays at 11 a.m. to talk about how self-esteem affects our lives and how we can increase our self-esteem. The group will be engaging in several kinds of activities in addition to discussion. Reports from those attending are enthusiastic.

Meeting Ground Volunteers held their quarterly meeting at George Porter House on October 2. Barb Dugan is the coordinator for the group, and George Porter House is a location for getting information about what Meeting Ground tasks need volunteer aid and what materials are available to learn more about the history, philosophy, and purpose of Meeting Ground.
Current volunteer needs include persons to help with driving residents of Clairvaux Farm to and from work, to and from AA meetings, and for the Thursday van run to Elkton in addition to runs to pick up donations for Meeting Ground. The George Porter House needs someone to share his/her computer skills and to make minor house repairs. Wayfarers' needs a babysitter for Wednesday mornings from 10 to 11 and help in sorting donations, especially the clothing.
For further information about volunteering Please call the program coordinator at the facility where you want to volunteer. Wayfarers' House , Marsha Mazza, (410)398-4381; Clairvaux Farm, Schaunel Steinnagel, (410)275-8990; George Porter House, Barbara Dugan, (410)620-4678.

Did you know there is now a United Brethren volunteer worker from Germany who is serving at Clairvaux Farm and living at the George Porter House? You may have seen her helping with herb packaging at Wayfarers' House. If you have not met Ula, you will soon. Look for an article about her in the next Ups and Downs. Welcome, Ula!

When donations arrive at Wayfarers' House, we are all requested to record for Marsha the name and address of the donor as well as a brief description of the gift they brought. We are also to offer them a tax receipt form which we date and sign if they would like to have one.

A class in Conflict Resolution will be offered by Contact Delaware at Clairvaux Farm on Saturday, October 28 from 10 to noon. We are all welcome to attend and to learn more effective ways to resolve disputes. The class is free.

On October 21 a trip to the Baltimore Aquarium is scheduled for the residents of Meeting Ground. Here's to a sunny day for the outing!

I'm Someone You Know Very Well
Raven

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask,
I wear a thousand masks.
Masks that I'm afraid to take off,
And none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature to me
But don't be fooled.
For God's sake don't be fooled.

I give you the impression
That I'm secure.
That all is sunny and
Unruffled in me,
Within as well as without,
That confidence is my name and
Coolness my game,
That the water's calm and
I'm in command,
And that I need no one,
But don't believe me.

My surface may seem smooth,
But my surface is my mask,
My ever-varying and
Over-concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness,
No complacence.
Beneath dwells the real me,
In confusion, in fear,
In aloneness,
But I hide this.
I panic at the thought of my
Weakness and fear
Being exposed.

That is why I frantically create a
Mask to hide behind,
A nonchalant sophisticated facade.
To help me pretend,
To shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely
My salvation,
That is, if it's followed
By acceptance
If it's followed by love,
It's the only thing that can liberate
Me from myself.
From my own self-built prison walls.

From the barriers that I so
Painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure
Me of what I can't reassure
Myself ...
That I'm really worth something ...
But I don't tell you this, I don't dare
... I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will NOT be
Followed by acceptance and love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
That you'll laugh ...
And your laugh will kill me.

I'm afraid that deep down
I'm nothing, that I'm just no good,
And that you will see this and
Reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate
Pretending game,
And my life becomes a front.
I dislike the superficial game
I'm playing,
The superficial phony game.
I'd really like to be genuine and
Spontaneous and me,
But you've got to help me.

You've got to hold out your hand ...
Even when that's the last thing
I seem to want or need.
Only you can wipe away from my
Eyes the blank stare of the
Breathing dead ...
Only you can call me into
Aliveness.

Each time you are kind and gentle,
And encouraging,
Each time you try to understand
Because you really care,
My heart begins to grow wings ...
Very small wings, very feeble
Wings, but wings.
With your sensitivity and
Sympathy, and your power
Of understanding,
You can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important
You are to me.
How you can be a creator of the
Person that is me, if you
Choose to.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness
Builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me
The blinder I may strike back;
It's irrational, but despite what
The books say about man
I'm IRRATIONAL!
I fight against the very thing that
I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger
Than strong walls and in this
Lies my hope.
My only hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
With firm hands.
But with gentle hands - for a
Child is very sensitive.
Who am I, you may wonder?
I'm someone you know very well ...
For I am every man or woman you meet.