UPS & DOWNS
January 2001

WAYFARERS' NEWS

WELCOME to Barbara, Lois, Cheryl, Janie and Lauryn, Christine and Jaclyn, Sarah and Hannah.
FAREWELL AND GOOD WISHES to Dianne, Dawn, Roxanne, Lora, Cassie, Jennifer and Zachary, Donna, Audrey, Amanda and Josh, Tonya, Dorothy and Aggie. Dorothy has become a resident at the George Porter House.

HAPPY JANUARY BIRTHDAY TO LAURYN!

Congratulations to Barbara on receiving her eight-session certificate of attendance at parenting/communication group.

An Exercise Group is beginning at Wayfarers' House. Raven is leading the group which will meet at 10:15 a.m. on Tuesdays and at 8:30 a.m. on Thursdays. Come have fun while getting in shape and feeling better about ourselves!

May Yokoyama is leading Tai Chi at the George Porter House. Let May know if you would like to be part of that group.

Schedule for Wayfarers'

Tues., 10:15 a.m. Exercise Group
11:00 a.m. - 12:30 p.m. Self-Esteem Group
9:00 p.m. House Meeting
Wed., 10:15 a.m. - 11:15 a.m. Parenting/Communicating Group
Thurs., 8:30 a.m. Exercise Group
Fri. The Children's Hour, time to be arranged with Raven
12 to 1 p.m. Community Kitchen
Sun., 4:30 p.m. Chapel at the Farm followed by supper

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The following poem is anonymous, one which the parenting/communicating group found to describe very well some of the important aspects of effective listening, a skill essential to rearing children to responsible adulthood and a skill necessary for all good communication.

When I ask you to listen to me,
And you start giving me advice,
You have not dome what I asked.
When I ask that you listen to me,
And you begin to tell me why I
shouldn't feel that way,
You are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me,
And you feel you have to do something
to solve my problems,
You have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen: All that I ask is that you listen,
Not talk or do - just hear me.
When you do something for me
That I need to do for myself,
You contribute to my fear and feelings of inadequacy.
But when you accept as a simple fact
That I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational,
Then I can quit trying to convince you
And go about the business
Of understanding what's behind my feelings
So, please listen and just hear me
And, if you want to talk,
Wait a minute for your turn - and I'll listen to you.
I Have A Friend; Her Name is Miss Lena
by Barbara Dugan

(Reprinted from Loaves and Fishes)

Were you ever afraid of something? I mean really afraid? It can be an immobilizing thing. Fear is something that knows no boundaries. It comes regardless of age, education or experience. It can affect anyone, at any time or anywhere. I have a friend; her name is Miss Lena. She is one of the most grounded people I know. She knows who she is and what she believes. At the very core of her being is a firmly rooted faith in a loving God. She has been a resident of Clairvaux Farm for the past few years and as a part of the community has touched the lives of many residents.

She also happens to be 90 years old. I'm nor sure how much the age factor plays into her being grounded. I think had I known her when she was young, I would have thought her grounded even then. But as grounded as she is, and as many sunrises as she has seen, she still knows fear.

She had eye surgery recently. It was a long time coming. I remember last year about this time the doctor suggested she have surgery, but Lena told him it was something she would need to think about. And think about it she did, for nearly a year. You see, she was afraid of losing her eyesight. She had already lost about 90 percent of her sight in her right eye after having surgery on it, the same surgery that they now said she needed on her left eye. It was just too risky. If she had the surgery and it didn't work, then where would she be? Totally without sight! Blind.

You see Miss Lena doesn't have any family in the area. Actually, she has outlived her children, most all of her siblings, and what family she does have live in places like Chicago and her homeland, Panama.

Miss Lena gets helps from many of the workers, volunteers and residents at the Farm, but she wants and needs to be able to look after herself. So despite her gripping fear, and because her one good eye was getting progressively worse, she decided to have the surgery. Despite a few setbacks and scary moments, one of which required her to go back to the hospital for resuturing, she can now see!!!

With many of the problems brought on by age, Lena sometimes wonders out loud, "Why am I still here?" But I know the answer to that question ... because she continues to show others how to live. Even though she can no longer run like the wind around the track as she did every day with her sister, or swim in the ocean when her stepfather would take her to their farm or play basketball with her friends, she can still live a life that can teach us much.

As I said, she is grounded. She speaks softly, and not often, yet says volumes. She can barely walk from her bedroom to the kitchen because of heart problems and arthritis pain, but she quietly does what she needs to do in spite of it. She is alone and misses family and friends long gone or far away, but she has embraced people here and made a new family. She has reason to be sad but chooses to smile. She is sometimes unexpectedly quick-witted, and together we laugh like two schoolgirls. She relies on her incredible trust and faith in God, and when she talks to Him, she calls Him "Father." To me it is a sign of how personal and intimate their relationship is.

When I entered her room the other day, she and another resident were sitting on the side of her bed having a serious conversation. She doesn't hand out advice very often, but in this case I overheard her telling this friend how scared she was to have her surgery but that despite her fear it turned out well, and with each visit to the eye doctors she can read one more line on the eye chart! She was giving encouragement to a friend that found himself in a similar circumstance. Yes, Miss Lena, we know why you are here ... And so does God!

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"The cheapest thing and the most valuable thing simultaneously that a person could give is kindness." Senator Bob Kerry, Nebraska